it takes some time, but at some point, belph will be seeking hikage out, carrying two cups of tea. it doesn't surprise him to find hikage doing much of nothing.]
[ he doesn't want to deal with her. Even though she insists that he's not a bad person, Hikage remains convinced her tune would change if she knew the truth. That's the difference between her and Belph. It's easy to tell that Belph has his own secrets, and Hikage knows (or thinks he knows) enough about his sense of morality to guess that, at worst, Belph would probably feel distant disgust. At least, that's his rationale after the fact; during the moment, he'd certainly felt as terrified as if he'd been holding Hikage at gunpoint. Stephanie, though, is different - she's a hero, and a good person, and she has plenty of other, better people to turn to. She puts up with him because she pities him now. If she knew the reason he acted the way he did was because he was a killer and a sadist struggling with his own loose grip on sanity, he'd probably even lose that pity.
And he's pathetic enough that he doesn't want to. ]
... If you'll still talk to me after hearing all this, I think I'd be happier keeping you alive than watching you suffer. [ it's an absurd statement; Hikage seems aware of it, considering his tongue-in-cheek tone. At the same time, though, he's serious. That's what this comes down to: what option will leave him less miserable. ] How about it? Would you still avoid choosing me if you became the Blotter? If you kill me now, you might be protecting all these people. I haven't made my decision yet.
[belph can't comment on the apparent complications of hikage's partnership with steph (though if he knew, he'd be very thankful for his much simpler relationship with shirasu). he's still not even sure what to think of what he has with hikage.
though maybe they make the perfect duo: someone who wants to crush hope, and someone who left it behind.]
Hmm... if you're going to keep me in suspense, maybe I should keep you in suspense as well...?
[ because he wants to hear Belph say that he won't do it. That he'll accept Hikage as he is, tattered, filthy wings and all. Hikage doesn't know what their relationship is, either, but he knows that from now on, it could be something real. Maybe he could have a friend. Maybe he'll be able to feel happy and know it's not based on deception.
But, as ever, Hikage can't bring himself to be honest. ]
... I want to know if I should regret telling you. That's all.
[ please don't keep him in suspense. he looks over at him with his uneven eyes, neutral, yet somehow surprisingly vulnerable. ]
[... ha. he honestly doesn't know what to do with this. people usually aren't so vulnerable around him. he's not exactly known for being a nice guy, after all.]
Even if I'm chosen to be a Blotter... you still wouldn't be anywhere near the top of my list.
[not that he has a literal list, as he'd actually rather not think about killing people.]
[ There's been a knot in his chest for years, tightening and tightening - now, for the first time, he feels it loosen, and something like relief flows through his veins, cooling and calming. Maybe this is peace. It's different from the rush he would feel when his plans came together, when the clueless fools wandering his manor would fall into his trap and turn on one another - that triumph lasted only a moment, and his pain would always return soon after. This emotion feels safe. Comfortable. How long has it been since he felt this way?
It's such a simple thing. It might not even count as an admission of friendship or trust. But Hikage is clearly moved; he feels his eyes prickle, and he turns back down to his teacup. ]
Heh heh... [ shyly, almost, he's hiding his face, but he's clearly smiling. ] I hate liars, so you'd better not go back on your word.
[suffice to say this is absolutely not how belph expected his night to go or a side of hikage he expected to see. (he also won't comment on the irony of hikage hating liars.)
instead, he smiles.]
... I'm not usually known for doing that. [...] You really haven't had any friends, have you?
[because this has been an incredibly bizarre way of getting to know someone.]
[ it's not ironic because hikage hates himself too... he's aware. ]
When I was alive... Well, I don't remember anyone like that. I had my sister. [ family probably doesn't count. god knows the rest of them couldn't stand him - the bastard son. ] In the manor, I only had servants. At first, I tried talking to the other souls, but they would all disappear sooner or later.
[ it became more satisfying to him to manipulate them in entertaining ways than to try and form any real connections with them; after all, they'd just end.
but also, in other words, no, he hasn't had any friends. ]
[ now he looks embarrassed, and he pointedly takes a drink from the tea. It's cooled off significantly by now - still, Hikage feels oddly warm inside. This situation is hellish, without a doubt; his existence could be snuffed out at any moment. He doesn't want to go back to the other manor, and he doesn't want to return to his old life, either, knowing what he does now. He doesn't know what the future holds for him.
But for now... he thinks he's happy, just a little. ]
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[ he doesn't want to deal with her. Even though she insists that he's not a bad person, Hikage remains convinced her tune would change if she knew the truth. That's the difference between her and Belph. It's easy to tell that Belph has his own secrets, and Hikage knows (or thinks he knows) enough about his sense of morality to guess that, at worst, Belph would probably feel distant disgust. At least, that's his rationale after the fact; during the moment, he'd certainly felt as terrified as if he'd been holding Hikage at gunpoint. Stephanie, though, is different - she's a hero, and a good person, and she has plenty of other, better people to turn to. She puts up with him because she pities him now. If she knew the reason he acted the way he did was because he was a killer and a sadist struggling with his own loose grip on sanity, he'd probably even lose that pity.
And he's pathetic enough that he doesn't want to. ]
... If you'll still talk to me after hearing all this, I think I'd be happier keeping you alive than watching you suffer. [ it's an absurd statement; Hikage seems aware of it, considering his tongue-in-cheek tone. At the same time, though, he's serious. That's what this comes down to: what option will leave him less miserable. ] How about it? Would you still avoid choosing me if you became the Blotter? If you kill me now, you might be protecting all these people. I haven't made my decision yet.
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though maybe they make the perfect duo: someone who wants to crush hope, and someone who left it behind.]
Hmm... if you're going to keep me in suspense, maybe I should keep you in suspense as well...?
But in all seriousness, why do you ask?
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[ because he wants to hear Belph say that he won't do it. That he'll accept Hikage as he is, tattered, filthy wings and all. Hikage doesn't know what their relationship is, either, but he knows that from now on, it could be something real. Maybe he could have a friend. Maybe he'll be able to feel happy and know it's not based on deception.
But, as ever, Hikage can't bring himself to be honest. ]
... I want to know if I should regret telling you. That's all.
[ please don't keep him in suspense. he looks over at him with his uneven eyes, neutral, yet somehow surprisingly vulnerable. ]
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Even if I'm chosen to be a Blotter... you still wouldn't be anywhere near the top of my list.
[not that he has a literal list, as he'd actually rather not think about killing people.]
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It's such a simple thing. It might not even count as an admission of friendship or trust. But Hikage is clearly moved; he feels his eyes prickle, and he turns back down to his teacup. ]
Heh heh... [ shyly, almost, he's hiding his face, but he's clearly smiling. ] I hate liars, so you'd better not go back on your word.
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instead, he smiles.]
... I'm not usually known for doing that. [...] You really haven't had any friends, have you?
[because this has been an incredibly bizarre way of getting to know someone.]
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When I was alive... Well, I don't remember anyone like that. I had my sister. [ family probably doesn't count. god knows the rest of them couldn't stand him - the bastard son. ] In the manor, I only had servants. At first, I tried talking to the other souls, but they would all disappear sooner or later.
[ it became more satisfying to him to manipulate them in entertaining ways than to try and form any real connections with them; after all, they'd just end.
but also, in other words, no, he hasn't had any friends. ]
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This honestly explains a lot about your people skills.
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[ let him live, Belph... ]
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[ now he looks embarrassed, and he pointedly takes a drink from the tea. It's cooled off significantly by now - still, Hikage feels oddly warm inside. This situation is hellish, without a doubt; his existence could be snuffed out at any moment. He doesn't want to go back to the other manor, and he doesn't want to return to his old life, either, knowing what he does now. He doesn't know what the future holds for him.
But for now... he thinks he's happy, just a little. ]
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You think everything is making fun of you, man...
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[ you untrustworthy otome gremlin! why did he put his affection here... ]
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[he absolutely can, and that's a very good question, hikage...]